I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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