dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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