where am i from again
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
