Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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