he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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