just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
