They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
