i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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