I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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