Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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