Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?