I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
