This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?