ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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