Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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