just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
