i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You took a bar mat shot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
