its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
