Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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