Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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