Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
