How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
