Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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