you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
