Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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