He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
