Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
