apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So. Much. Porn.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
