I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
