It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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