I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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