Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
