Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
