i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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