All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
