Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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