She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
