tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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