i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
