i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
