i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can you bring me the toilet please
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
