you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
