we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
