I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
