shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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