ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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