I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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