I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
