I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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