After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
