Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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