Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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