there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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