i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
