I want you more than these girls want KFC
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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