just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
