He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
