I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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