Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
