U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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