i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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