I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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