were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
