smell my finger.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
