1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
