Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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