I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
