why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
