I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
