jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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