SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
