Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
