i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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