I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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