I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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