is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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