So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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